While I was away from from here, I had forgotten how much I hate it.


Like I'm going nowhere.
And I know moving away, far away, won't solve my problems. But damn it, it might help.



But I'm stagnating here.





Also, mom
1) stop talking to me.
2) learn how to fucking budget. We can't afford milk, so stop buying $20 pants.



I'm sorry, guys. All I do here anymore is complain... Forgive me.

At least I get to spend Monday night with some friends. I have to spend money I really shouldn't, but if I don't go do this, I think I'll go crazy.

Okay, so this is something I wrote last night, and I just felt the need to post it somewhere. But I fucking hate how this can take over my life. How something not even 1/100th my size has this kind of power over me. At least I didn't black out this time.




God, why am I so scared of spiders? It immobilizes me. One crawled across my arm onto my computer and all I could do was throw (yes, i threw my laptop) my computer across the room, scream and curl up into a ball. I watched it crawl off somewhere and now I can't go back into that room.
and then there's another one big fat entering through the cat door from the garage, This time, I can almost react... I throw a MagLight at it. I hit it... it dies.
But I'm still weakly screaming and crying. Because I feel like they are everywhere now... And I can't say WHY I'm afraid of them. I don't know.
They really won't hurt me.... most times. I've been bit several times though.

I want to call someone because talking would make me fee better, but dad's at work, mom won't answer her phone, and somehow, I can't bring myself to interrupt my brother's visit to his girlfriend again... and it wouldn't be so bad if I had internet or something.... there's always someone to talk to there who will help me think of something else. And I'm still crying. It feels awkward to touch my computer again so soon...because it reminds me of that thing running across it. But I'm trying to drown out my thoughts with music. And it's not exactly working.

And I'm still so scared that I'm crying too hard to see. So I cook. I calm down when cooking Everything goes smoother. Braise some chicken, cook the rice, don't forget to add small chopped onions. I've got some eggs that need to be used. Tuna, too. Until I burn myself and realize that I've cooked enough food for 7 people, but I'm the only one here to eat it.

Somehow, two and a half hours have passed.... and I don't know where they went.



And writing this has made me feel a little better, but I still can't go into those rooms right now.

Introducing people to foreign music.


Okay. So you want to introduce your friends, your class, your mom to jrock (yep, using jrock (specifically visual kei, but stfu, I'mma call it jrock through this entry) as an amazing example). Please excuse the over-usage of the word 'convert'.




Why is everyone bent on scaring people off? Yes, those people's reactions are GREAT, laughable. But if you really want to 'convert' someone to jrock, why not ease them in, instead of chucking them straight into this confusing world of gender androgyny?

NOTE: when in doubt, it's a male.

Why do people often show others
1) videos of extreme fanservice (often uncomfortable for most people, especially males)
2) very very visual PVs (don't start someone on the OBSCURE PV, plz)
3)

Actually. When introducing someone to jrock, why show videos at all at first?
Most people I know will be so turned off by the awkward clothing and feminine appearance that they forget to listen to the music.

Yes, some people may go wow, they look neat/weird/etc. and this cause them to listen more.


Somehow, throwing people into jrock full tilt seems like a suicide maneuver.

And I'm wondering if people do it not just because the reactions are amusing...
I think there could be two possibilities.

Jrock fans are selfish. How many times have you come across someone who claims they don't like this band now that they have gone major? Or they don't like that 'everyone' likes this band now. Liking jrock makes people feel special. "I'm different than most because I like something only a few other people like." I see people complain and complain aout their 'fandom' being small, but when it grows larger, past a certain point, people find it tiresome. (part of this is indeed due to the stupid actions of certain fans, but by no means all) I thik for some people, jrock is like getting a limited edition doll or something. It's special, it's beautiful. It's only shared by a select group. And once everyone gets the doll, the doll has no more worth.

Another view on this people might have is the issue with acceptance. They throw these extreme examples of the differences in jrock at those they are attempting to convert. It's like they have a "accept everything at once" or gtfo mentality.
Like if a person can't accept men in dresses on the first go, they shouldn't even bother with jrock. Sink or swim. Forget about those water wings.



annnnd. I don't feel like writing anymore. I'm hungry and I think it might be affecting my brain. Dx


Moral of this random entry of bad-written ideas: Ease people in. Don't drown out the music in shock over men in make-up.

For the... first three people that reply to this post, and who re-post this challenge: you win!!!

For your prize, I will send you a gift.

It might be something I've made, or something cool from my hidden stash of fabulousity. It might be a mix CD, or a rubber duck, or a book I think you might enjoy. A love letter, a useful object, or something else that is awesome or maybe just taking up room in my house.

Whatever it is, I promise I will get it to you in 365 days of your posted comment or less, and I will need your snail mail.

The only thing you need to do to receive your gift is PARTICIPATE.

Be one of the first three journalers to reply to this, and post this very same thing in your journal, and YOU are the lucky giftee.



BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME:Y RANDOM.

Please please take care of yourself!

"Yoshiki fainted during Art of Life, which is the 11th song of the night, roughly at about 9.30-9.45pm. He was carried off stage and not long after, the announcement came on that the concert will be cancelled."

JRR member hypo posted this track list and note:
01 - Last Song
02 - Rusty Nail
03 - Weekend
04 - Scars / Silent Jealousy (with Sugizo)
05 - Drum Solo
06 - hide no heya with PATA and HEATH
07 - Say Anything
08 - Without You
09 - I.V.
10 - Kurenai
11 - Art Of Life (first part)

Then Yoshiki, just before his piano part of Art of Life, collapsed into the drumset and was carried away by the crew, conscious and breathing but looking exhausted. And thus, the first X live in 10 years came to an end.

http://jrockrevolution.com/forum/showthread.php?p=141615


....... dammit. I'm worried about him.



He..... won't let go of the stage, his drums. T__T

( Judge me, hate me )

Love everlasting fades away.
Truth hurts.